Victoria Morello's Diary

OOC: This is supposed to be an actual journal, and by clicking on this, you find it IC, and by continuing to read through it, you're IC reading it.

A self-note reads in the cover of the journal:
What kind of person starts a diary at 19 years old?

May 25th, 2186
I'm married to a piece of broccoli.
Today began with getting out of an aircar, carrying a knocked out new marine, (Marshall) through a forest and into a shitty bunker. Greene and Banner, after seeing the Reapers on Amek, needed to speak to the Council, so the crew got to go on leave in Chicago. Adande was kind enough to set up Sam and I in the same room, which got a few cute comments out of Sam, and lent Sam a thousand credits to take me out to a nice place for the date that he promised me if we got out of Amek alive. We went to a place called "The Everest" for a total of, like, five minutes, before the fucking asshole reapers decided to interrupt my first official date with him. We ran across the plaza to the aircars, grabbing a few civilians... and Vlad was hit by a reaper beam. I watched it happen. He was there, and then there was a beam, and then there was nothing. He... was yawning. After the ride, we made it out to the new base, and then shit went down.
On the way to the base, I got attacked by a husk and got a really huge gash across my chest, right below my collarbone. Cal ended up having to stitch me up, which is the first time I've ever had stitches. We all claimed our beds and then set up defenses topside. Almost immediately after that, we got plenty of husk attacks. I switched out because both Sam and Thatcher were both asking me to go and rest up my new wounds and my barely-healed old ones. I talked to Banner for awhile, and then Sam came down for ammo. He shouldn't have went back up.
A Collector decided to pick up Sam just as I went topside, and then drop him from almost 40 feet, paralyzing him. I stayed with him the entire way, from when he landed to the moment they took him to an aircar for medical attention. He was having a hard time breathing at first, and then Vernon gave him a mask, and he was fine, but then he started to look around, confused, but only with his eyes. He couldn't move or talk. It took us a short time to realize he was paralyzed. Adande and Vernon took him down into the bunker, and then Vernon looked him over. Everyone suddenly fell quiet as they realized that Sam wouldn't make it. I started to panic, and I guess my panic was what changed Adande's mind from mercy killing to getting him medical attention. We had to create this blinking system for Sam to talk, as the only working part of his body was his left eye. One for no, two for yes, or something. I kept on telling him that it was okay, and that I loved him. When they started to take him away to mercy kill him, I told him I loved him again. He responded with three blinks. I ended up chasing the three of them up the stairs, and I started screaming as they took him out into the forest, and Adande turned around, and promised me that he'd keep Sam alive. That was the moment I knew Adande was my closest friend on the crew. I just barely let them go with Sam (of course, a panic attack was due), and Kelce stuck around to comfort me. He said some really sweet things to me, and I knew that anything I had against him was for sure gone, and that I gained more of a liking to him. I was convinced that Sam was dead, but then we watched three aircars get destroyed by an anti-air Reaper and a fourth tactically took the Reaper's reload time to escape. We knew that it was the aircar that took Sam to the Kodiak and off to safety. At that moment, all of the marines topside started to scream victories into the sky, and I hugged Kelce, crying of happiness. Of course, then, I shot the absolute fuck out of some asshole husks, and then the crew that went off with Sam returned, and they returned with a wedding ring that Sam told them to give to me (which, by the way, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-), as well as a data chip that contained classified information about Jump Zero, the facility that Sam was implanted and tortured at. I had the Asari doctor de-encrypt it, and there was some awful shit shown about what they did to their 'patients.' The day ended with a cute fanboy war hero that wanted us all to sign his gun.

A doodle, presumably from Vicky, shows a rough sketch of a wedding ring resembling the one she received indirectly from Sam.


(ignore the signature)

May 26th, 2186
A lot happened today, but it doesn't feel right without Sam by my side.
I woke up and went topside for guard duty, and we encountered a few fancy husks and some Geth dudes. We fucking destroyed them, though. The Geth Prime tried to send a bullet at my chest, where my stitches were, but he missed by a fuckin' mile, and then that guy was pretty much done. After that, we fought off some more husks while waiting for the day's mission to launch. I felt so impatient and antsy (speaking of antsy-- I've made a promise with Iona to teach him a word every day and help him with his grammar), and even a bit sad. It finally hit me that Sam's not okay. He may be alive, but he's fucking paralyzed. There are a lot of chances that he's not going to come back from Huerta the same. But... he's my little fighter. He manages to make like a cartoon and survive giant pianos falling from the ceiling with scratches, so I know he'll make it out okay. I also found out that Thatcher and Banner wanted to mercy kill Sam after they both had been exposed to a plan that definitely would have worked, which it did. I'm not on speaking terms with Thatcher at fucking all, and I'll take orders from Banner, but I'm not going out of my way to talk to him during downtime. I'm always finding myself thinking about what it'll be like when we first see each other after all the time. I was told today that it would take nine whole fucking months before the process is complete, but I'd be able to see him during the treatment whenever we have the luxury to do so. I've never been a wedding-obsessed, ready-for-commitment type of girl, but... I can't wait for that fucking wedding. It will be perfect-- I just know it.
Anyway, we launched the mission. We had to cross a few towns overrun by husks and rubble before we made it to an Alliance base. Around fifty pilots made it out, but none of the fighters did. It was a Collector raid. I killed seven Collectors, and I whispered "I love you" to Sam after all of their deaths. I will see that race fucking destroyed in revenge. Our last act of aggression under Banner in that base got Cardozo a really bad injury that the Turian was able to fix up pretty quickly. Adande actually let me lead Raider 1 to do another sweep over the building while she sized up the damage on Cardozo, and we cleared up a few more missed Collectors. Once we cleared the place and got Cardozo to a more proper care area, I almost beat the shit out of Beckham. It started pretty tame-- he called me kid, and no one fucking calls me that (especially not Thatcher anymore), so I politely asked him not to call me that, and he took that as me exploding into anger and decided to say "Calm it down, pussy cat." After what the fuck happened with Kelce and how many people almost beat the shit out of him, I was about ready to just walk away and let others take care of it, but I am not about objectification and belittling. He then made the worst decision ever and blamed my VERY VALID EMOTIONS on menstruation, and that's when I started to threaten him. I was able to thoroughly scare the shit out of him, and I think I've made it pretty clear that he better not fuck with me again.
Then, Adande pulled me aside and we went for a walk around the base. I feel really comfortable around him. He asks me a lot about my work with Rocko and Jay, specifically about what I did. I'm pretty sure he's not actually over me yet, even after basically buying my wedding ring. I feel looser around him-- like I don't have to worry. I trust him. Definitely.

May 27th, 2186
Today was quite packed, but I'm exhausted, so I'm just gonna summarize.
We were doing a lot of sitting around before we went on a long-distance trip out to the Middle East to help a military team get some relief and evacuate some citizens. Adande let me lead Raider 1 again, and we were able to successfully recover all of the civilians and evacuate them to safety. Then, we went to the battleground and took the team's place. We fought off a shit ton of husks, a shit ton of Collectors, and a FUCKING REAPER. We killed one. We killed a fucking Reaper. After that, we held a ceremony for Thax and Vlad. I'm happy with what I said at the funeral, and I'm grateful to have experienced life with those men. Afterwards, I had a big baby panic attack, and Adande was there to keep me happy. He actually cheered me up enough to say yes to receiving a haircut-- he used to be a barber-- in which Rachel recorded all of it. Adande's... a good guy. I can see him and I staying close once this is all over. He also gave me the title of corporal. I feel ready to take the title, for sure. It's nice to know that Adande sees how hard I'm trying to make a good impression on everyone-- speaking of, Thatcher and I are fine now, I got over it, and I'm fine with Reed, too-- in such a short time. Clearly, I'm doing something right for climbing three ranks within my first two weeks with 2nd MSRC. Afterwards, Rachel and I had a huge girl talk, which I haven't done since I was, like, fifteen. I talked about Chicago, and I briefly mentioned that Adande put him and I in the same room, and I made a comment saying "nothing happened, unfortunately," and she went fucking at it. She said "You were expecting something to happen?" and from then on, it was just a conversation about me bragging about how hot Sam was and her teasing me about how clear it was that I... "missed" him. I'm writing this after this conversation, so I'm still all flustered about it. I should have some good dreams tonight.

OOC: Vicky making masturbation jokes in her own diary i want to die like you're the only one who reads this shit Vicky don't make a fucking 'I'm having good dreams tonight' joke like just say "I'm gonna go flick the bean bye" if it's really that necessary to mention

May 29th, 2186 *
Oh, fuckin' boy.
Well, in simple words, I actually fucked Adande (just barely walked away with a very small limp). We've been flirting since the beginning, and he's always been there for me whenever I needed someone, if I didn't have Sam. He's done a lot for me, more than he should have. I'm pretty sure I regret what I did, though. I came into the military to speed up my recovery, and meeting Sam really made that work. I saw it in him that he needed help, that he never really felt human. I knew what he felt. I couldn't just leave him like that. I talked to him and I just felt-- right. I finally felt like I was going to be able to comfortably settle down. All of my life, I've been looking for adventure and wild and all that shit. I've been scared of growing up. I'm not scared to do that with him. I'm even excited to do it with him. Alright, time to figure this out the classic way.

Sam
Pros
Thinks shit through. He wanted to leave me because I was distracting him too much on the field.
Mature. See above.
Comfortable enough with him to get over my fear of commitment.
Thoughtful. The three blinks.
Hot.
Was starting to become a tease before the incident-- which might change the affectionate problem.
Has shown commitment past the Reaper war, once we win.
Cares for me enough to have sacrificed himself for me a few times on the field.
Cons
Not very affectionate, while I'm extremely affectionate.
Will be hospitalized for nine months.

Adande
Pros
Actually a superhero. Spectre and commander.
Comforting. Was always there for me when Sam wasn't.
Loyal. No matter what his men and women have done to earn his dislike, he'd die for them.
Will definitely protect anyone from harm.
Handsome.
Really affectionate. I mean, the farthest I've gotten with Sam was a hand on his upper thigh, and he cut that shit really quick, anyways.
Cons
My fucking boss.
Will be alive and in harm's way throughout the Reaper War.
I'm not comfortable with settling down with him, and he doesn't soothe my mental problems.
Actually paid for Sam's engagement ring and our dinner, which isn't really a thing you do when you like someone. Something sets me off with that, like he knew that Sam and I should be together in the end of this all.

This list is fucking useless. I can't pick.

May 29th, 2186
Sam is dead. He broke his promise.

May 30th, 2186
Adande took me to the Constantinople late at night, and we started flew out of Sol. The ship didn't feel the same without Sam and Vlad sitting in the observatory. I don't think I'm going to be able to go in that room anymore. However, Adande's room now has some good memories. I... don't really feel like writing. I was feeling resilient before, but now...

June 3rd, 2186
I am beginning to move on from Sam. I feel... kinda awful writing this, but, Adande's taking care of me now. Too much has happened to catch up on what I've missed writing on, so I'll give a general statement-- I'm feeling better. I'm feeling strong again. I'm with Adande now, but every Collector I kill is for Sam. God, these entries used to flow well, and now it's just a mess of emotion. I need to catch up. Tomorrow, I'm gonna start writing the way that I've been.

OOC: The old notebook that entries were being written in seems to be no longer in use, however it is still hidden underneath her mattress in the barracks, alongside a brand new notebook that is leather bound with her initials on the cover. The new notebook continues entries from the date that was left off in the old one.
Also, don't forget-- at some point, your character is snooping around and finds the notebook if you continue to read this. Information on most characters are in this notebook, so feel free to react to it and speak to Vicky about what you read here. It's your choice whether or not you hide that you read her entries or if it's "just a suspicion."

June 3rd, 2186
Today set me back forty thousand steps in my recovery. I had a dream last night that was vivid like no other. It started out quite lovely, actually. Adande and I were out to dinner at a nice, candle-on-the-table restaurant. Low, friendly murmuring filled the room, coming from all the other tables. Glasses clinked and people laughed. It felt like we were safe, and the war was far, far away. He told me that we were going to run away, that we were going to go to Rome. He said that Rome fit me well-- golden and victorious-- and that him and I were going to revive the city. As he talked, people at other tables started to disappear. He was locking eyes with me, and I felt uneasy. His face started to morph, and I got dizzy. He started asking if I was ever going to leave him, and if I really did love him. Suddenly, Sam was sitting across the table from me. We were at The Everest in Chicago. The candles were blown out. The people at the other tables were dead. I woke up.
I didn't feel right in the morning. I spent most of the day hanging around Adande because he seemed rather stressed, and helping people makes me relax, so I forgot about the dream pretty quickly. Specifically, he was stressed about trying to figure out who needed our help the most. I asked him about who was struggling, and was able to narrow it down to South America, North America, and Europe that needed us the most. The process stressed him out further, so I dropped it, and I planned on looking into it myself later on. Coincidentally, Rachel radioed in that Cana, herself, Thatcher, and Kelce were going to watch some movie, and she invited Greene and I to watch it with us. I'm pretty sure the crew's all suspicious of Adande and I, but with what happened with fuckin' Dennis yesterday (he yelled at Greene, basically, for 'fraternization' and having an inappropriate relationship with me-- which I'm fucking suspicious as hell about because how the fuck would he get that info without spying on us?), I kinda don't care anymore because he gave a speech in front of a ton of the marines about how it wouldn't matter if he had a relationship with me, or anyone, because he's a Spectre and the Lieutenant Commander. Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to join them, and he said yes, but it really didn't seem like he wanted to. He just really didn't seem okay. We walked in, and Kelce came in, telling Adande that the two of them needed to fix some roof or something, which was clearly bullshit. I didn't feel like watching the movie because of what the day had been filled with so far, so I left Rachel and Cana and just sat around in hydroponics. After a half hour or so, I got a call on the radio to report to the hangar. I walked in, and Kelce, Banner, Greene, and Thatcher were lying around, covered in fake blood. Cana and Rachel were crying, and I had a feeling something was up because Adande called in before Rachel called me to the hangar saying "We just played Russian Roulette." How could he have done that if he was dead? They got up and started dancing and shit, and I was already anxious and upset, so that pissed me off, and I left. Adande tried apologizing to me, and I forgave him, but I'm still really fucking pissed off about that. We're in a war. Faking your death is way fucking immature.
After that, everything went to hell. I was sitting around in Greene's room, after talking for awhile (he also got me a gift-- when we were on the Constantinople that night, he managed to go to Citadel space while I was sleeping. I got four shirts, a pair of leggings, and this new notebook), and Vernon came in with a private matter. I had to leave to give them space, and within ten minutes, the base was a nightmare. Apparently, Rachel went into Vernon's e-mails to his family and friends because she thought he was revealing too much information about the Constantinople and the crew's missions. A big fight went down with everyone that was around on the ship, and Thatcher found out, so he naturally went to defend Rachel. It went so far as Thatcher calling Adande a coward-- I wasn't there, so I didn't attempt to beat the shit out of him-- and throwing his stars and stripes on the ground. Banner yelled at me for calling Flynt an idiot when he said something cheesy, and he was right to do so, and I apologized, but I heard him call me a stupid worthless kid as I walked away. I basically went into Greene's room and had a panic attack, and then he told me the sweetest things I've ever heard. He told me that no one can fight like me, and that I couldn't be a stupid worthless kid if I was as successful as I was in the group so far. Thatcher came into the office to apologize to Greene once he finished his speech, and once Greene went off to talk to him by the door, I started to feel like myself again. I started looking into the info on Europe and it was clear that they needed the most help. Greene showed that he was a bit impressed at my analysis, and made a joke in front of Thatcher about wanting to give me a reward, but not wanting to because of their being another superior in the room. He left the room without a word, and we went off to bed. Like, actually off to bed. I was too tired to do anything. Overall, I'm feeling better, and I'm okay with Flynt. I don't know about Rachel, though. She's family, but that's rough. I don't know about Vernon, either. They both threatened to kill each other, too, which is unacceptable. In the end, it doesn't matter. We need to go to Europe, and we need to help them. That's where we need to be. We have to win.

June 4th, 2186
Adande listened to me, and took the crew out to Europe for a rather difficult mission. I am trying my best not to blame myself for what happened on this mission, as I was the one who planned it, essentially. We had four goals, and we lost Rachel when we were only halfway through. I feel a bit awful saying this, but I don't feel sad. If anything, I feel like I skipped all stages of grief and went straight to acceptance. It's different, I guess, when you know that anyone around you can die at any moment. I know that I'll be okay after her loss, and that her unfair death will only fuel my will to live and win this war. We need to protect Thatcher now. He has lost so many people-- his best friend and now his girlfriend, plus all of the relationships that have been damaged due to the stress of the war-- and he's starting to lose himself. We have to be careful with him and make sure that he makes it out of this physically and mentally okay. He's much too good of a soldier to lose to PTSD. I'm going to take this opportunity to swoop in on Flynt's life and help him. I care about him so, so much. This is my chance to finally get close to him.
I want to go into detail about the mission itself, because I feel a bit responsible and want to help plan the next one. London really did have the most Reaper infantry so far. We saw a ton of Banshees- at the least, it was the same two Banshees. At most, there would have been around seven near us. There were a shit ton of Cannibals, husks, and Marauders, but we were able to take them out pretty quickly because of our big crew. We saw two or three Brutes, too. Those were a bit harder to take out, but at one point, Adande got on a big gun and killed one, which was pretty cool. There were two actual Reapers there, and they only attacked us once, but they missed. Worst damage done was getting knocked back on our asses. Overall, the mission was successful, except for the loss of Rachel.
If there aren't any updates on the war, I think our next bet is to bring the NA cannons over to SA and take out the few Reapers that are torturing the civilians there. We also need to look into that weird shadow Banshee, because the bullets went through it.

June 5th, 2186
I keep sleeping in and having these awful dreams. Rachel, Sam, Vlad, and Thax are haunting me in my sleep. I won't record this dream because it's the first one I've had that has made me feel unsettled after hours of having it. I'm just going to try to forget it. I was able to get through to Thatcher, too. He was way beyond the acceptable sadness for a death of a close one, so I helped him out of it. I'm too tired to write and nothing else really happened.

June 6th, 2186 *
Nothing really happened today. I got closer to Kelce, and of course, it was by talking about sex. He needed advice on what he should do with Cana considering that she gets sick by kissing (or 'embracing', as Jason uses, which is adorable) every time. I suggested the med-bay for cleanliness with gloves/ minimal touching. Also the idea of Jason touching tit with a glove is hilarious.

June 7th, 2186
Today started off pretty nice-- I had a few hours alone with Adande which went very well. I didn't remember much, but I was very suddenly in a bunker in Chicago. I turned to my right and Kelce was shot in the gut and Cal was dead next to him. Banner was nowhere to be seen. Adande turned to me and relayed to me that our old base got raided by Collectors and husks, and most of the pilots didn't make it out. Banner went MIA during the mission, and somehow, Cal died. It seemed like Kelce tried to save her. He's making progress. I was apparently hit on the head with some metal or whatever and got knocked out, but Adande carried me through. Paul made it. I just realized I haven't written about Paul-- we picked him up in Europe, he was the only survivor. A German Shepard. We lost Rachel's body to the invasion, as well as Sam's name plate on the memorial wall. The diamond from my ring was embedded in the plate.
I'm starting to decline in mental health. It comes in short bursts, my sudden nervousness-- at one point, I'll be ready to fight and I'll feel like me. Then, something happens, or someone mentions that we're in war, and I get nervous. Sad. I know I'm not the only one, obviously, feeling that way, but I'm a marine. It's my job to stay strong. It doesn't take much to get me out of those sad spells, though. A bit of time alone with Adande and convincing myself that I'm stronger than I understand usually gets me ready again. I joined the second MSRC to help kick depression's ass. I've been faced with a new problem that may kick the galaxy's ass. My goal still stands.

June 8th, 2186 *
I fucked up so fucking badly and I hate myself I fucking hate myself and Adande and Cana and Jason are okay now I think but I fucked up and I fucking hate myself and I'm not okay because I'm a fucking idiot I'm a fucking idiot I won't make this right and I don't deserve to have it forgiven and forgotten no matter how much I want to forget this happened and I fucking lied to Adande I told him I kissed Kelce once on his cheek but I kissed him three times I kissed him twice on his lips and once on his cheek and I didn't even give him a reason why I did it because it was really clear Jason liked me and I thought it would be funny to fuck with him I don't have any feelings for him it was just to fuck with him and I fucking hate myself I'm not a fucking kid anymore I'm fighting a war and I'm saving people but here I fucking am fucking with people's relationships and I'm so fucking stupid Adande is already under so much stress I can't fucking hurt him he said he forgave me but he shouldn't have this is so stupid I'm so fucking stupid

June 9th, 2186 *
Yesterday's entry was written in a midst of a panic attack, I'm fine now. That whole situation has been completely handled and the last thing I need to do to take care of it for good is to fortify Adande's trust in me. Today consisted of a shit ton of fighting and being heroes. There were endless waves of Cannibals, and a ton of Marauders (three of which I took out long-distance with my Avenger), and a Brute. Once that infantry stopped coming, and Adande came out from his office for the day, he left right away to do deep recon. Basically, because I'm still amazed at all of this and can't give a full description of what happened, Adande went to go help some civilians and found out that there were none. On his way back, he drew attention to the base, and redirected it. He fucking outsmarted a Reaper and returned without a single fucking scratch. He fucking waltzed into the base, and took off his helmet, and said "Hey, babe" when he saw me. He's a fucking hero and he's fucking hot and he's fucking mine.

June 10th, 2186
Today was pretty much the ideal day. It wasn't too good and it wasn't too bad. Started off talking a bit more with Francis and Kelce, and I figured out pretty quick that Francis's attitude is not made for the marines. He takes orders well, but he doesn't know when formalities apply and he doesn't know when to stop. He harassed Kelce, and so I pulled him out to the hallway and laid it down. When we came back into the room with Kelce, I'm pretty sure Kelce got over the harassment because he started fucking with Francis by being all suggestive with Cana. It kinda annoyed me because I was trying to finish yesterday's entry, so I left and went up top. For a really long time I've been trying to decide if I should tell Petrov that his childhood is not what he thinks it was. We were interrupted by a Reaper flying by followed by Harvesters that attacked and mowed down a compound behind us. As the attack on their side ended, the Reaper sent a Banshee. The Banshee teleported away and didn't show up again. Her first appearance was directly behind me. It was so fucking terrifying. I kept thinking of Rachel. Once she left, we went under, scared that the Reaper would come next. It landed directly above us, sat there for a few minutes, and then it left. We went up top to clear and make sure the thing didn't leave any gifts, and there were like eight Cannibals. I finished the conversation with Iona, and he realized that I was right, so I left him alone. Adande kinda just grabbed me and took me on deep recon, and he showed me where everything happened the night before. We took out a handful of husks and, I think, the Banshee from before. Before I went to bed, I saw pictures of Rome. Ora, è la città di polvere.

OOC: Because we did a time-jump, there are three months worth of short entries that summarize days. It is also littered with tattoo ideas, doodles, lists, and pages that appear to be combat notes or something like that.

September 12th, 2186 *
Today's entry won't be very detailed or orderly because after a month and a half, Adande and I actually had sex again, and we finished like an hour ago so I'm still up in the clouds. I don't remember the order of the events but I remember lookout-ing with Flynt and we saw a Banshee and some Cannibals, but I don't remember if we saw them while I was with him or another time. We took out the Banshee pretty quick, and Adande kinda swooped in out of nowhere in the end and killed the thing with Flynt. I remember also deciding that I don't think Martinez is the best person made for a marine. (OOC: Vicky's too distracted to detail why, but it's in her dossier). Adande' sleeping next to me really cutely and I'm sleepy so goodnight

September 13th, 2186
Today was a really long day. I spent the entire day out on the trenches defending, and yesterday we found out that the compound just past the bridge is fucking littered with all sorts of bad guys so every now and then we'd long-range a wandering Cannibal. Around midnight, I went back in and showered, not knowing that the next four hours would be drama because of that decision. Jason came in and fucking scared the shit out of me as I was trying to get the shower to give better water, and he decided that having a conversation with me at that time was a good idea. I'm pretty sure he had no intentions of showering, because he said he was trying to fall asleep before he came in. His excuse was shitty, too. He said he "heard water" so he came in. I'm glad to know that if he hears gunshots, he'll just come running, by that logic. I guess he was covering his eyes, which is whatever, but I'm pretty sure that if he was in there a few more minutes, he would have stopped. But, Adande came in. Jason decided to leave after I said something to him, and he backed up directly into Adande. Then... Adande grabbed him by the collar, pushed him into the wall, and shoved his omniblade into the wall right next to his head. Jason tried defending himself, and then Adande threw him on the floor. I was cold, so I went and changed, and then Adande kicked Jason out of the bathroom, and then he left himself. I followed him to his office, and he seemed less angry and more confused and solemn. He started talking about how he saw the fear in Jason's eyes when he attacked him. He saw the passed marine's eyes in his, with the same fear. He said he heard Chevalier and the air car, he heard Lambert and Elizabeth. He heard Banner. He felt guilty for not being able to save them, and letting their last moments be fear. He was so wrong, though. All of them were ready to die. Sam was fucking paralyzed, Lambert from what I've heard was in an awful state, and Elizabeth accepted it right away and told Flynt to take care of everyone. I managed to help him out of that state pretty quickly, and he somewhat apologized to Jason by giving him one of Travis's fishing thingies that he's been meaning to give to him for awhile. Still, I can't have Adande letting things get to him now. We're getting closer to winning this and we need him. I need him. I just love him so fucking much.

A rough, line-y portrait of Adande lays on the next page over.



September 15th, 2186
Sam wasn't dead. Jump Zero found out about the paralyzing and gave Huerta a pill to "kill him." They took his body, because it belonged to them due to the implants, and they "fixed him." They stabilized his biotics, they removed his arms and legs and gave him cybernetic ones, and they replaced his spine alongside most of the rest of his body. We were in the Constantinople on our way to Palaven when he showed up. He was talking oddly, like the way Iona does. He didn't use contractions and he had a monotone voice. I hugged him when I first saw him, and he didn't hug me back. I pulled away, and after awhile, I asked for a hug. He just stood there. It didn't take long for me to pick up on the behavior. I pulled Adande aside, and he saw it, too. Adande had to go and do Commander stuff, so I talked to Sam afterwards to clear things up. That's when he said that he was over me, and that I just slowed him down.
We went to Palaven shortly after that. On the way there, we did our first space battle. We faced 25 Sovereign-class Reapers, and disabled one of them. We got out of there pretty fast with only a hit to the top of the CIC-- nothing that stopped the ship. Well, the shields were down for a moment, but VI sweeped in and helped. The place looked like Earth-- flattened cities blanketed with ash and dirt, sprinkled with Marauders. As soon as we landed, I felt the need to tell Sam that his data chip about Jump Zero got destroyed as well as the ring. He just kept repeating "I thought I was going to die." It took me a minute to realize what he meant. He only passed the ring off to Adande because he thought he was going to die, not because he wanted to propose to me. I called myself his fiancée months.
We had to make our way to a specific Turian outpost to find some higher-up guys that needed to be extracted, and we fought a ton of Cannibals and Marauders on the way, plus a Banshee. Once we got there, they redirected us to another outpost nearby. On our way there, we faced a Brute that broke some of Kelce's bones and knocked Flynt and Sam around. I realized around then that I had been grazed by two bullets on my waist and somehow got a small cut on my forehead that just kept bleeding-- might have been the armor somehow-- so it was a bit hard to focus. Adande had put me in this cave thingy that was nearby while they fought the Brute, and as I heard his almost-death wails, I came up and shot the thing apart. We moved after that. We got to the outpost where the guys were, and a fucking Destroyer class landed around the fucking corner, looking straight at us. The thing fired in front of the barricade, and we were gone.
Once we were back on the Constantinople, I healed myself up and talked to Sam again. At first, it was mostly screaming and chewing him out for going back to his state of "I'm a weapon, not a human" after all the work I put into him. I think Jump Zero convinced him of "who he really is" again. Then, Flynt came in, and I left from anger. They probably fought, but I'm not sure yet. I'll have to ask Adande. I went off and showered with Adande, and he went off to take a nap for a bit. I talked to Sam once more.
He apologized. He said he still loved me, and he didn't stop. I told him that I didn't, either, but the Sam that stepped off the Kodiak was someone I didn't love. He started to show more signs of the real Sam, and I felt love for him again. As soon as I felt it, I told him that I'd have to stop because I'm way happier and better off with Adande, and that feeling kinda dissapeared when I thought of Adande sleeping upstairs. We said our goodbyes as lovers, and I think I'm starting over with him. I know that I don't want to help him realize he's a human again because the only way I can do that is by leaving Adande and I'm not gonna do that. I hope that, somehow, he does realize again. Maybe battle and the rest of this crew will heal him once again.

September 16th, 2186

A portrait of Chevalier fills up most of the small notebook page.



September 17th, 2186
I haven't been updating as much lately because my emotions are really hard to organize lately. Today, however, will be easy to write about.
Today's mission was the third one that had objectives planned out by me. I found out recently that Rome was facing the same type of aggression that South America was facing, where they seem to kill for sport, combined with the amount of infantry that Europe has been facing. I don't know how Adande didn't have this planned out already, but I decided that since the cannon was mobile at the time of planning, we could bring the cannon over to Rome and take out some of the Reapers, and if it was necessary, we could use the missiles that Europe already had. Our objective was to move the cannon. We took out a lot of husks right at the start and moved into Cannibal territory once we reached a town and we must have taken out like 50 of them. Half way through the mowing down of Cannibals, a Banshee showed up, and she died pretty quickly in the fuckin' coolest way. The thing screamed and teleported two inches away from me, and tried to go for my helmet cords and she missed by like three centimeters, and then Adande omnibladed her and I concussived her, and she was dead. That was the start of the best date that Adande and I have had so far. Once we were done with the town battle, we went into a building to rest a minute and Adande and Primus moved out and ran into a Destroyer class. We did some sneaking around and then we finally got to the location that we were supposed to move the cannon to, and the Destroyer kinda followed us there because when the cannon was in place the Reaper just stood in front of it. Adande took the other corporal, Flynt, and I to the cannon, and he had Thatcher and I press the buttons to prepare the cannon to fire, and he pressed the fire button while screaming and shooting at the Reaper with the other corporal. Before it got the chance to fire, the cannon fired directly into its opened plates and it was disabled pretty much right away. Then the next part of the best date ever happened: as I watched the thing fall when it died, I turned around and just started kissing Adande, and then the fucking thing exploded like fireworks behind us. It was fucking great. On the way back to the temporary FOB after completing the objective and then some, we ran into a Brute and it fucked me up pretty hard. No blood or broken bones, but it pushed me so hard that I knocked over a fence and rolled a few times on the landing backwards. The muscles in my back got fucked right away, and Adande had to go fight so he left me in a safe place while he went to finish it off with the others. Thatcher got fucked up pretty hard, too, because I remember Thatcher going straight to the medbay in the temporary FOB while I went to a bunk. The day ended nicely. I sat with Adande for awhile and we bragged about how great we did and how how we are and all that.
I feel like I have to write down how grateful I am for him. He always knows the right things to say, and he's always making the right decisions for the team. He knows just what I like and I think he trusts me a lot, too. He's so fucking hot. I love him so much.

September 19, 2186 *
I'm getting bored. I wonder if I can get Adande to put his fucking rifle down and chill out for a bit and fuck me.
In pencil as opposed to the usual pen, there is lazy writing below.
Success

September 20, 2186 *
Fucking Iona heard us last night.

September 21, 2186
We finally took off to Rome today. We landed in the outskirts of Rome, on the opposite side of town, and I started to recognize it right away. I knew that I was here to help, so I was able to shake it off quickly. With Reed's help.
Reed did not deserve the death he got today. He was a strong fucking soldier, a fiery one. He should have gone down a martyr. His last words were to me: "If you need me, I'm here." I don't have much else to say besides this isn't fucking fair, and that I love Reed and I'll miss him. We needed men like him.
Most of the mission today was running through the cramped and collapsing tunnels of Rome's modern aqueducts to get to the 32nd's underground FOB. We found them, and discovered that a few of them had died down there. We continued to look for them, and found the remaining five. That's when we started to take fire from a Marauder sniper. I got shot while trying to find its location, but I was shot through some fat on my waist. I need to get back on my cardio. I have shitty metabolism. We lost two 32nd marines to that, and I believe we lost Nosins on the recon that he did with their CO and Adande. Adande disabled a Destroyer class Reaper just fucking barely. It was charging its beam when Adande got the laser thing just right for the cannon to hit it, and we were safe. That's when we started moving to the Kodiak while under Cannibal fire. As we were piling in, the Destroyer barely missed the Kodiak and we were off.
I had to leave Rome watching the place in flames. Even though Rome may have fallen, the streets still run with gold and golden blood. The Colosseum might have fallen, but the cheers still echo. The Pantheon may have fallen, but the hymns still echo. The heart of Rome, the Roman Forum, is now long gone, but it still beats. This city's magical hum did not fade from me living there for six years, and it has not faded from the attacks that the Reapers have caused. It will not dull any time soon. I wish to be like this city. I wish to be golden. I hope that once my body falls, my magical hum remains with those I love.

September 22, 2186 *
The writing below seems more like a note than a diary entry.
fucking jason interrupting my fucking blowjob

September 23, 2186
We had a surprise mission today. We went to an island on the Philippines that was actually beautiful. On the way there, the ocean got more and more clear as we neared the place and when we got there, the water was so clear that you could see the sand beneath the water. We landed, and there were Cerberus ships on the beach. We immediately went off to go and check these radio tower/ base thingies, and there were these robot-looking enemies we had to shoot down. They were a bit more difficult than most of the common enemy and took a few more shots to mow down. We were searching some of the homes and stuff and found this doctor guy who was really nervous and antsy in general. He was with Cerberus and he told us that they've been testing on civilians for some project to get husks to work for them or something, and so we had him kill the husks that he had with him and had him lead us to the guy who gave him the order. We entered a locked bunker and found two guys-- a commander guy who gave the order and some other guy he was with. We had them both with their hands up, and the nameless one went for a kill on Flynt so Jason mowed him down right away, and then I pressed my barrel against the commander's head until he said he wasn't armed. He called backup, and I think they ended up killing that guy, I don't remember, and then we had to fight our way out. I don't remember how we got there, but we ended up this cave. As we went in deeper, everyone started hearing these grotesque whispers. We were trying to figure out who would stay in the cave and who would go, because Adande said that this enemy would be like no other, and Nade started losing his shit. They started to take him out of there, and then that's when I started to lose my shit. I wish that somehow it was a phase that I couldn't remember, but I remember it all. This voice in my head kept telling me to kill Adande. I was so scared and flustered and everything was just so awful, I decided that the only way everyone would make it out alright would be if I killed myself. Adande was yelling at me to leave, and I was fighting the urge to kill him from those voices and fighting to kill myself, and I got the gun knocked out of my hand and then I was out. I'm assuming that I got knocked out by someone, and I woke up on the Kodiak with Itsuko, Luther, Ester, and Cardozo. This is when I came to the conclusion that Anne can suck my dick, because she kept imposing shitty ideas onto Nade, and because Nade's really easy to influence, he'd agree with her. Luckily, the pilot and the VI came to my aid, and then Adande, Flynt, and Jason made it safely back to the Kodiak just as a fucking Destroyer class landed on the island. Adande's sleeping next to me and he's starting to drool so I'm gonna watch and then go to bed bye

September 24, 2186
Cana is dead. Cana is dead, and Jason is going insane, and I'm scared that he's a danger to the crew and himself. Cana never did anything wrong. I'll miss you, sweetheart. No more fevers, okay?

September 25, 2186
Today, we suddenly got raided by a Banshee and a Brute and then a Destroyer class landed right by us and started firing into the trenches. Adande took Flynt and I to the cannon at this little military outpost at the end of the main road and we fired twice at the Destroyer to distract it, and then we all piled into the Kodiak and took off to New York with Paul and Cana's body and all the other important things like that. Nade actually saved this notebook, which is pretty cool, so I'm starting over with him for sure now.
The new base might have been the most beautiful thing I've seen. It's near Lake Erie in upstate New York and there are a bunch of mountains and pines and shit. The second my foot touched the ground, the only phrase that was going through my head was "this is it." I'm not sure if it meant that I'd be okay with dying there or that I decided that my home was there, but that was it. Adande said he'd been looking at this place for awhile now in case of a quick evacuation like we needed today, so he gave us a little tour. The barracks are actually really cute and have mini kitchens in them, and mine and Adande's room has the same bed that we had in Chicago, so it's not bad. The fridge had some good essentials in them and the cabinets had some crackers in it, but I didn't check the other barracks which I should do. There was a little tent with a shit ton of supplies, though, so whatever we find probably won't be necessary because the previous troop left a lot for us. The medical bay is fairly high-tech, which is nice, and there's a work-out area with a basketball hoop. There's also a balcony that overlooks a small river that leads into the lake with a running fountain. Down the road, there's a fishing shack and a bridge with a good view. There are also good views from the watch towers. I almost touched three birds today, too. They were all cardinals, and I think they were a part of a family. Adande and I were standing at the bridge, overlooking, and the little things landed in front of us and started picking up little bugs for their babies. It was kinda funny-- they landed right in front of both me and Adande, and they seemed to be a pair. Little lovebirds. I keep getting these moments around him where I think "this is a good place to settle down" or "this is a good honeymoon spot." That entire area is like heaven, and I want to stay with him there forever. The day ended with watching Flynt and Adande play basketball and it was so fucking hot. Adande's really fucking good at basketball (which makes me think-- he's good at that and being a barber, what else is there about him I don't know?) so he smacked Flynt, but it was nice to see two good-looking dudes all pressed up against each other and playing that and shit.
Almost everything is perfect. Jason doesn't seem to be okay-- he's talking about Cana's body like she's alive and he's suddenly like a quiet-sad instead of a screaming-PTSD-sad. Other than that, everything's fucking beautiful. It makes me a bit nervous. The horizon we wake up to now is absolutely beautiful, but I can see the Destroyer class spreading its legs across the river and landing. I just hope it doesn't happen soon, we just got here.

OOC: You guys have never actually acted on what you read in Vicky's diary because you ICly read it, but since she's been staying in the little shack in the middle of the river and it's hard to get there without her actual boat, she's been leaving her diary in her and Adande's room. This next entry will give you a chance to act on reading it if you choose to do so.

September 29, 2186
I'm a murderer. I killed an innocent Geth. I was left in power for a short period of time when Flynt was gone, and I chose to trust someone who was trustworthy and then the crew disagreed with what I did and then I killed him to show that I know what the right thing to do is and the only person who agreed with my choice was fucking Logan and I don't even like him. Now I'm being considered for criminal charges and Nade and Martinez hate me and I made Flynt take my SvC pin because I felt like I didn't deserve it. I gained power and immediately misused it. Flynt took all of my weapons after I tried to shoot myself while looking at Multis's body, and I still want to. I've been thinking of ways to kill myself without the weapon. I don't know if a note would hurt or help when I'm gone.

There is a note between the next pages.
I'm sorry for everything I've done I'm sorry for abusing my power I'm sorry for those I've hurt I'm sorry for being here
Goodbye

September 30, 2186
I tried to kill myself. I was walking on the edge of the cliff for what felt like an hour before anyone saw my note on the mess hall door and called to me on the radio. I shut my radio off, and off on the other side of the river, while I was already on the railing, I saw Nade and Kelce run by. Nade jumps in the water and Jason makes for the road, trying to run to where I am, and Iona joins him on the way. I hear Jason behind me, I start to lean, he catches me and tries to pull me down. I end up over the railing, standing on the edge. Iona speaks. I turn, I lose my balance, and the two of them grab my arms. They lose their grip and I'm holding on to the edge of the cliff. I remember my hands weren't slipping and the only way I'd fall was letting go. I was about to let go, and I hear Flynt screaming, and I remember not feeling anything but regret and fear. I start screaming for help, he pulls me up, and takes me back to my shack with Nade.
I've never been more grateful to be alive. My life has been in the hands of indoctrinated humans but it doesn't compare to having your own life down to a movement with your own fingers under extreme pressure.
I was able to feel alive again pretty quickly when talking to Flynt and Jason, but then we got deployed and a fucking Banshee slowly dragged its fucking finger into my armor and into my chest, and I think it punctured my lung. Now I'm gonna have this fucking scar between my tits and I'm going to have the fucking crazy amount of pain beforehand. I really hope that Adande comes back safe because I need him and I need him to need me again.
I'm fucking exhausted, I'm unstable, and I'm scared.

October 4, 2186
Since the last entry, I've spent most of my time screwing around with Flynt and Jason to keep sane from thinking about Adande's state. I woke up the next day and see the personal log that Adande attached to his military log update, and I read what could have been his last words. I tell the crew, they barely care, and then I'm off by myself planning what I mightv'e done if I lost him. The worst part was is that I was just sitting around all day, trying to accept that I even had to plan my life without him. I never came to a conclusion on what I'd do before he came back. He stepped off the Kodiak without warning two days after that personal log covered in blood and injury with broken shields and one of the arms from his armor missing. I run up to him, I kiss him, and he looks at me. I know that he's okay when he looks at me. He goes to Flynt and immediately starts taking care of LtCmd stuff. Flynt fills him in on what happened with me and what I did, and then I'm assuming he filled him on everything else including what happened with Edwards. Flynt, Jason, and I went on a recon to the city for scavenging, and on the way to the city, we saw a fresh husk body on a side road. We go down that path and find a civilian in the gas station nearby, and we have Jason escort him back. Edwards just kind of showed up at the gas station at one point, saying that he was learning the land around him. We were on a stealth op, so he kinda ruined that, and as Flynt's grilling him and Edwards tells Flynt to "fuck off," we started getting fired at by a Marauder sniper. Jason comes back at one point during this, and we all pile into the storage room of the gas station, while Jason is hiding in the station. The Marauder comes in, opens the door, and Jason takes him out pretty quickly with his omniblade. We head back, because we needed to properly yell at Edwards, and I think someone got injured during it, too. I don't know what specific thing pissed off Edwards so much, but he was really fucking angry that we ordered him to go back to base. He was completely in the wrong here. He left base by himself when we're in Reaper territory, he went really far out, and then he proceeded to ruin our stealth op when he should have been aware of it going on since we radioed it in. Plus, telling an officer to fuck off and not following their orders is pretty awful. After all of that, he still believed he was in the right, and so we end up just having to let him off without understanding what he did wrong. Now, when Greene came back, Edwards has the audacity to interrupt his catch-up meeting with Flynt to tell him, not ask him, to give him a sniper rifle as a Pv2. Greene handled it pretty well-- he grilled Edwards about it and then gave him a lower class rifle. Something about that meeting made Edwards cut the sarcastic shit where he called me sir and was overly military formal with everyone because that was part of what we yelled at him for at the gas station. After Flynt caught up with Adande, he talked to me about what happened while he was gone. He didn't care much for the casualty, and I'm not sure if Flynt told Adande about the information that was being transferred when I killed the Geth, so I think that's why. Instead, he grilled me about attempting suicide. It felt weird when he did this. He wasn't affectionate at all, and he was really short with me. He called me Morello. It was really frustrating to hear him say what he did considering I was so fucked up mentally. I know he's been through a lot, so I expected him to be more gentle at first. Eventually, though, he told me about part of his past that was similar to what I did. He said that on his last N7 training mission, he spent months on a Batarian planet killing innocents to survive. I'm glad he isn't like Sam, where he expected me to be horrified by it. He talked like he knew I wouldn't mind the horror in his past. He explained that through all of that, he knew that he needed to stay alive and his life was worth more than the ending he could have given himself. I think he's right, and I'm feeling a lot better about it now, but I'm still worried about the information that was being transferred and whether or not I'll get criminal charges. The rest of the day was rather relaxing. It consisted of hanging out at the shack and receiving a slice of cake from Martinez that he made himself for his 33rd birthday. After the long week of Adande being gone and almost dying, we definitely had sex that night. I brought him over to my little shack to show him the pictures and the stuff I've collected over time, and I had completely forgotten that Flynt was literally 10 feet away, sleeping. Unfortunately, he didn't make his presence known in his sleep before Adande and I started, and I think we woke him up at one point. Apparently I was really, really loud, so I feel kinda bad that I fucked up Flynt's sleeping like that. It's also probably really weird to hear your two best friends fucking. The next day is pretty relaxing, too, up until the mission. More of just hanging around in the shack with Adande and Flynt. At one point, though, Martinez was acting really weird and was trying to be left alone in the shack. I wasn't gonna have that, so I escorted him away. I think he tried again after that, but Flynt stopped him. I was then informed of the mission to the Batarian planet to find Flynt's father, so I order the crew to get ready. We're collected around the Kodiak waiting on a few people, and I get the idea to go and steal Francis's bag and hide it because of how suspicious he's been lately. He didn't notice, so I'm going to go through his shit eventually and see if I can find any more criminal plans of his. We deploy to a cold-ass planet and raid a Cerberus building, and I take like ten shots, and Anne fixes me up. She's acting rather kind around me, so I guess she kinda gave up on the hate she had towards me. I don't really mind her, as long as she starts acting like a marine. The mission was fucking normal enough, and I even witnessed Flynt trying to kill his own father, until we had to leave the facility. We start seeing these green spores everywhere in the mining section of the building, and we go into this cave that's all lit up all pretty, but it's covered in this gas shit. We keep going deeper and deeper, and we see the weirdest fucking thing ever. It looked like a big statue thing with a bunch of tentacles on the ceiling holding it up. The ugly thing is spilling the gas shit and spitting out goo and people, and I think it spits out this fucking female Batarian which is another fucking wonder that happened on this acid trip section of the mission. It starts yelling about the "Old Growth" which I'm assuming is the giant statue looking thing as these grey people things are circling us. All of it was really unfitting after the Cerberus things and it was just really weird and I'm so confused. We shot down the tentacles of the thing, and it falls into its own gross acid, and the Batarian's mind gets freed. We leave with the Batarian, back to the Constantinople, and Anne fixes me up. I head up to the quarters and fall asleep watching Adande do post-mission paperwork. It's morning now, and he's passed out next to me, so I think I'm gonna sleep in as much as I can with him.

October 5, 2186
So much fucking shit happened today. I finally listened to Martinez's personal logs, and I was really nervous that I wasn't going to find anything incriminating, but I did. In short, Martinez had a death wish on Adande, Flynt, and I. Since the start, Martinez never had trust in any of us, and I don't blame him because he got a lot of shit from Iona and a few others. I know for a fact that I liked him and I trusted him from the start, but ever since I killed the Geth, he's hated me. The hatred for me started the hate in Greene and Thatcher, and it escalated when Martinez straight-up said that he wished Greene had died on the N7 mission. To me, this was like the ultimate betrayal, so I collected the crew, including Martinez, and played the logs around everyone. Everyone turned on him, and Flynt thought I was going to hurt him but I seriously wasn't going to unless he provoked it, so he kicked everyone out and talked to him on his own. Then, Martinez buddied up with Edwards, and I'm sitting in the bar and the two of them come in. I never say anything, but I give a look to Iona because why would they just walk in like that after something like that happened? It's like they wanted to cause trouble or something. They saw the look I gave Iona, and they both started getting angry, and I told them complete honesty-- I was confused as to why they'd come in after an event like that, and then they both dropped it. I was a little drunk, and I've heard that Adande made Flynt refill his drink once because of the rank, so I ordered Martinez to do it. He gets it and drinks it, and I just kinda push past him to get my own drink. I didn't say anything because that was honestly really funny. Someone mentioned something about how I killed an innocent Geth and I said that I regretted it and that's why I attempted suicide over it, and Francis tells me that he wished I did it, so I put a gun to his head on non-lethal. I forgot what happened next, but everyone had guns out and fists out and even Flynt was throwing punches. Genos shot Martinez in the leg, even though he wasn't a threat, and I took him off to the medbay and got him fixed up. In the meantime, Flynt and Edwards are brawling and Nade is screaming for everyone to stop and I don't remember what Iona was doing. Eventually, Edwards gets locked up in the brig and everyone gets a good talking to, and Flynt goes in on the other side of the brig and talks to Edwards as he's screaming "fuck you's" at me and Flynt and calling me a cunt and a whore and shit like that. Edwards still has hate for us, I can tell, because he's doing that stupid "Yes, sir!" act where he's sarcastically military formal. While Flynt's talking with Edwards, I make up and start over with Martinez because I never actually wanted to be against him. I'm really hoping he wasn't lying to me when he agreed to starting over, because I'm putting full trust in him. I talked to Logan, too, and he never disliked me, so that's relieving, and then I asked Edwards if I should even try making up with him, and he didn't respond, so I'm going to guess that's a no. I think Martinez can be straightened up, and I think he's willing to, too. I don't know about Edwards. He's said "fuck you" more than anything else in his time here. Greene's giving them both chances, so I'll put trust in Greene and, in turn, in the both of them.
When we got back to base, Greene finally addressed both me and Flynt on the situation that happened because he wasn't there for any of it, and he was really, really angry with me. I told him that I regretted it right away, because I honestly did. I felt really bad about what I did when I was helping Martinez after Genos shot him, but he just kind of told me to leave in a rude way. He talks to Flynt for a bit, and then Flynt comes to me and tells me that Greene wants to see me in a sad way, and I go to him. Greene apologizes to me, but he seems really stressed out. He puts on his helmet and leaves, and he kisses me before he goes. I sat on the balcony for awhile and I just felt like shit. I keep fucking up. I just keep fucking messing everything up. Part of me just wants to fucking leave because the crew would actually be better off without me. I wouldn't leave Adande or Flynt's lives, but I would leave the 2nd MSRC if this war didn't need everyone it can get. The other part of me knows that I have to prove myself again, and it hurts so much more to know that I've got to prove myself to Adande again. I don't know what to do and he's so stressed out and I'm so stressed out, and everyone is stressed out and Flynt is really bad and fucking Jason has memory loss and doesn't know who the fuck I am and I think he forgot Cana, too. I don't know what to do, and I just don't know anything. I know I fucked up, and that's it.

OOC: the message is too long now i have to comment entries

October 5, 2186
I haven't meditated in a long time, but I finally did, and I felt something. I felt something powerful, something old, and something that is very, very angry. I got a chill and I couldn't focus. I went to talk to Flynt, and he seemed to believe me at first, but I found out later that he didn't. I tried to give off that energy to him, and I think he picked up on it, and then I went to go meditate again to see if I could gather anything more. That's when I saw it. My mind cleared away this ugly fog and it was like these doors opened, and were screaming in this hell choir. Dark and old. It looked like it was dripping. I found Flynt and told him again. I didn't want to try to give him the energy again, I didn't want to scare him, so I just tried to convince him. I told him that I needed him to believe me in that this is something we don't know, something we made very angry. My guess is that he had no idea of what it could've been because I didn't explain it to him well enough, but he understood the power. This is when he shared with me his feelings toward me in case neither of us made it once this thing shows up. I was off trying to meditate again once we stopped talking, and I couldn't fucking focus. I couldn't get through this fog. This is when the Harbinger lands.
The thing is screaming at Adande about how we should bow down to the thing and I look over at Flynt, and he gives me this confident look. It powers me a bit. I look to Adande, and he's screaming back at fucking Harbinger. I'm empowered even more. We start firing. I fire concussives, Flynt fires bucks and concussives, Nade's got the incineratory shots, and we're making this thing stumble around. It takes Jason's leg, attacks a few more times, and leaves.
This is when Jason passes. He's saying not to waste supplies on him, that his time has come, that you can't keep a good man down. He looks to me and gives me his journal, and announces it as a parting gift. His last words were "I'm coming home, Daddy Kelce." We had to leave his body at the base. I love you, Jason.
We get Paul and we haul ass out of base and Adande starts taking us out to a base nearby that we can use. Cardozo dies on the way. I take his doll, and his tags, and Logan's tags, and I say a few words in my head to him. Martinez takes his body, and we head to the new base and secure it. I have to talk to Martinez and Canna on the way to tell them to chill the fuck out because we just met fucking Harbinger. They both listened rather easily.
Honestly, I can't focus right now. I need to get this crew back together and I need to fight with Adande and there's just too much going on.

October 8, 2186
We've picked up a Salarian and the Salarian shot Edwards when he was almost threatening Greene and then we got ready to leave for a recon in some mining place. I'm really fucking stressed out. I've had to talk to too many marines like children and it's frustrating. I think journaling isn't helping relieve stress-- I need to find what the new thing that helps is before I come back to writing.

October 10, 2186
We had a surprise deployment a few days ago with an objective given to us straight from Admiral Hackett. The Catalyst's progress is coming along well, but they needed us to recover a code that assists in the firing of the Catalyst, and the code could be found underneath a hospital in London. I was a bit surprised to hear that Hackett had paid us some attention, and then I remembered that Harbinger spoke to us back in New York and Adande's a Spectre, so the 2nd MSRC is pretty popular. I feel honored to be one of many who assisted in building the Crucible and ending this disgusting cycle of death.
We deploy off to London and immediately come in contact and mow them down pretty quick. The hospital was actually pretty close from where we landed, so we're mowing down these crowds of husks and shit, and then we almost kill a Banshee after she tries picking me up, and we get to the plaza that the hospital's in, and there's a Banshee and a Reaper-fied Krogan. They both target me, and I kill the both of them with concussive shots, and we run into the hospital. We're absolutely destroying the Reapers in London, and then we leave the hospital.
We're running back to the Kodiak because the objective is completely, and there's a Reaper's horn like we haven't heard before. Harbinger lands before us. It's bigger than I've ever seen, it's bigger than a fucking Sovereign class and it's got these bright fucking terrifying eyes and it's talking to us and it's just so fucking scary. I'm zoned out looking at this thing, and I hear the hell choir of a Reaper laser. Time slows. I look from the Reaper's face to where the laser makes contact, and then the laser stops, and I can't find Adande. I can't move, and I can't hear anything but this high pitched sound, and then I hear these muffled gunshots, and then someone pulls on me. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do but scream, so I scream. We get onto the Kodiak, and from London to Montana, I'm screaming. We land, and I'm screaming at Flynt to leave me alone. I run outside into the town and start screaming for Harbinger to kill me, too. Flynt chases me, gets my armor locked, and has Diogo help me get back to base. I'm just screaming and screaming and screaming when we get back to base. After being temporarily calmed down, we get some radio transmissions ten kilometers out, and we try to head out to help them, but the weather gets too drastic and we have to leave them. I go into mine and Adande's room, and I see his last entry open on the datapad, and it breaks my heart. I give the datapad to Flynt, and I curl into the bed, screaming again as he reads it. The rest of the night is just screaming and crying and Flynt begging me to stay strong, and eventually I lose my voice and I'm wheezing and he falls asleep. I get no sleep.
I wake up to a few people asking me to come out of the room, and people start saying to be combat ready, so I grab an Avenger from the armory and get to the door, and it's Adande, bleeding and bruised. Anne gets him inside and healed up, and he's sleeping next to me now.
I'm grateful. Every letter I write right now, and every time Adande takes a little breath in his sleep, I feel alive. That's one thing the Reapers don't have, and that's what's going to win us the war.

January 20th, 2186
After three months of simple missions and the same old people, I have a reason to write.
Yesterday, Adande told me that we were deploying tomorrow, and I didn't take much interest in it until he said we were going to a fallen Texas. For three months, Texas's defensive lines had been destroyed, and they had no offense to back them up. They switched the command from Travis to some other guy once Floyd got traded, and apparently, he wasn't prepared. Eighty percent of the 17th Defensive Infantry died within five hours.
Our objectives were to save 200 civilians and extract the 17th Defensive Infantry. When we were nearing Houston, you could see that Texas didn't just fall by the hand of the Reapers-- it got taken over. Adande was right when he told me how infested the place was. There were six Sovereign class Reapers and ground infantry visible from the kodiak view. I remember overhearing Travis talking about how it's unfortunate to see his hometown like this while looking at the smoke rising from the city. All I could think of was how Jason would be destroyed by this. I miss him so, so fucking much, and I want him back with everything I have, but I also wouldn't want him to see this. I wish it didn't have to happen.
We finally landed. I remember the smoke being thicker than it looked from the sky. They came at us like never before. It was like all of their previous fighting was training, and this was the real thing. We turn the corner where we landed, and my hearing goes out. I start to get dizzy and I get a migraine. It's suddenly hard to see and everything is dark and cold. I can't breathe easily and it's hard to move around-- like I'm walking around in sticky tar. Everything speeds up, like I'm bitch-slapped into existence, and I notice that the fire and blood and smoke is a lot more intense than what I expected. I hear gunshots and dive to cover, and I look over to see Adande taking out crowds of Cannibals, and I snap into it. We rush into the nearest building, and see a crashed escape pod. I checked right away-- no survivors. We catch our breath and move into the station nearby. We're spraying down crowds of Cannibals and a Banshee teleports in. I only hear her for a second before I turn to see her and Price gone. He radios us, he's on a roof, and she comes back. We take her out rather quickly and grab Price before moving into cover, inside a train station. We split to clear, and we find half of the civilians. WE take them to a holding point and clear the attracted crowds, and we get a radio that now is the time for the kodiaks to take off. A destroyer lands to take out three of the four ships. We were supposed to save 200. There were 180 when we got there. We didn't even get half of what was there out alive. We all know it's time to leave -- we take off into the sewers, which is a nice chance to take a breath, and we leave to be greeted with more crowds immediately upon leaving. We take them out and get to the 17th's outpost, and discover the death of Floyd Kelce and some lieutenant. We're on our way to the extraction point with the rest of the 17th and come across two synthetic survivors. We get to the extraction point and Floyd's kodiak takes off and just barely cuts a Reaper beam. We go back to collect a second group to evacuate and we meet a Brute in their outpost instead. It knocks me into Adande and almost crushes Kelce, and then we kill it. I come up from the tunnel after it's dead to see Anne and Iona taken by a Banshee and one of those fire Krogans. I hear the Banshee's death scream while firing at the Krogan, and they radio us of their safety. Adande knows that it's time for us to go and that we did our best, so he calls for a kodiak, and it has a safe landing. We get in, and a Sovereign class Reaper lands and just barely misses our kodiak as we take off. I'm incredibly impressed and proud with our crew-- no one died. Seven men versus a burning city and six Sovereign's.
I come back from this devastating failed mission to some Quarian just landing in front of the base and flirting with Adande. She's edgy and I hate her. She won't last-- she's the type to stir trouble for fun. I'm kinda pissed at Adande, too, right now. I said "She came in all edgy and saying she's a mercenary badass." His response? "She is."

January 21, 2186
I apologized to the Quarian at some point, I don't remember when. I'll trust her on the field, but that's it. She's still not on my good side. She's the least of my worries right now.
It seems that the Reapers found our location, or were aware of it and decided to move on it today, after almost four months of staying there. We were pushed out to Maine when we noticed that four Sovereign classes and a Destroyer class had landed near, the Destroyer class firing into the town less than a quarter of a mile from our base. The base is small and not nearly as fortified as our previous ones, and there is a good amount of infantry there, but we gained Uriel again. We didn't have any casualties and escaped successfully.
I spoke to Flynt about New York. When I ask talking to Flynt about how powerful the vision I had was, he began to believe me. He believed me enough to give me last words in the form of a kiss, and then walked away. I brought it up, four months later, in hope that I could bring some closure to the oddity between us. It seemed rather simple-- Flynt still had feelings for me, and took pleasure in letting the lightness of those emotions distract him from the issues at hand. I didn't have much to say to him besides asking him what it was all about, so I ended the conversation. Adande overheard it. He sent Flynt down to the briefing room with everyone else, and asked me to come with him to talk about what he heard. I told him that Flynt had feelings for me, and did for a long time. I didn't tell him about the kiss at first because I knew Adande would have just searched Flynt out and killed him right then. He went to go talk to Flynt after the briefing, and got the truth out of him. He then came to me and told me to tell him the truth. I told him what happened, and he left when he got a call on the radio about some trouble that a recon was having. When he came back, he tracked Flynt down and threatened him, since he was under the impression that Flynt had raped me, or something like that. He had him by the collar on the edge of a dock, and when I asked him to not hurt him, he pushed him a bit, luckily not off of the dock. He stormed off, mad at me, too. I chased after him and he just kinda showed that he was angry with me again, and left. I went and screamed at Flynt and tracked Adande down. I was scared of him for a bit. He had Flynt's life in his hands so many times that day, and after all of what they've gone through, he was ready to take it at a moment's notice. It was then that I realized the power Adande had. He could kill the whole crew and get away with it because of his status. I know he never, ever would do something like that, ever, but he was close to doing that to one crew member, and I think he's done it before, too. I don't think I'm scared of him any more. I'm just scared of what he can do. All I want is for the both of them to be okay again. I just want everything to be okay again. I just want to go home.

January 23, 2187
Words cannot express how happy I am. I'm now engaged to Adande, and it almost feels overdue. I found out recently, and I think I forgot to write about it, that he has set aside a lot of Spectre funds to rebuild Rome once the war has been won. That, plus the proposal, obviously, shows that he really loves me. He also mentioned that there was a point where he could have left me-- or at least I took it that way-- and I've never been so scared. The idea of being without him, and knowing what that was like for the day I thought he was dead, shows me that I love him, too. This is the right thing, I know it for sure, and I'm excited and ready to take the path that Adande has set for our future. I'd write more, but I'm so sleepy and just so happy and it's almost frustrating to put my emotions into words because it's so hard.
I need to figure out who the bridesmaids are gonna be.

January 24, 2186
I'm so sick of being looked at like a kid who didn't earn her place or didn't prove herself... all of the people that I proved myself to are dead now.

I forgot to mention some things in the last update that have major importance in this one. I never mentioned that we moved bases to Maine and met a CAT-6 outpost a few miles out from us. Their leader, Negan, sent his man, Freeman, to come and visit them at the base and see what they stand for and all that. We watch them execute a woman and then they propose a trade deal to us. With a lot of exchanged passive aggression, Adande accepts it, and we go back to base. We get the trade deal message from Negan, and as we're working on our own base, Freeman comes and asks about how much metal we've got for them. We've only got eight pieces because we didn't know when they were coming, so they yell all their anger and shit, and then this huge-ass group of like 60 dudes comes down the road once that guy leaves with Negan. They waltz into the base and luckily we collected what they needed so we handed it over. Primus and I were in charge at the time, and Negan wouldn't talk to Primus because racism so he "talked" to me. I had to put on a little show for him, that I was interested in him, too, because he was hitting on me the whole time. He asked if he could take me back to his base with him, and I was going to say that the trade won't be as good as it was when he came back with his men the second time if he did, but Flynt decided to be the biggest fucking dumbass on Earth and offer himself up, even though Negan wasn't actually planning on leaving the base with one of our men. Now, to begin with, I was already letting his group step on us because they outnumbered us and we were down a Lieutenant Commander at the time, so I just held them off and kept them happy until the actual crew leader came back. But with Flynt's retarded action further embarasses us and further lets the fucking 2nd MSRC get bullied by this druggie terrorist group. The worst part is that Flynt could have just said "no, take me instead" and Negan would have been thrilled. Instead, he offered himself up, threw his stars and stripes on the ground, and said "Fuck the Alliance, I'm done playing soldier boy." In my mind at that moment, Flynt was more than a fucking traitor. He was a monster. I got to see this man at his highest and his lowest points, I got to see him develop as a person and move on from his past, and he makes this absolutely ludicrous decision and trashes it all. This plus the fucking shit with New York makes Flynt a useless man. Since I'm CO under Primus, I call a meeting in the briefing room as soon as Negan's men leave with Flynt, and I let everyone voice their concerns. My plan, once they were done talking, was to convince them all that the loss of Flynt wasn't a loss at all. There is no benefit to having a man on your team who has thrown down his stars and stripes and said "fuck you" to both the Alliance and a man who's done everything for him. I was going to make it very clear that there would be no rescue missions for Flynt because Flynt made the choice himself to leave us. I was then going to explain my reasoning behind letting Negan's group step on us, because some of the crew had begun to show concern for that, which I already explained in this entry. Before I was able to say any of these things, the marines started voicing their concerns and some of the marines didn't even show up to the meeting because of anger and other emotions. I fell victim to the distracting emotions, too, as I began to get really frustrated with the crew for not letting me get my fucking words out. I cannot fucking recall how many times I've tried to tell the ranks below me an order and they back talk me because they disagree with the order. If the fucking order came from Adande, they'd say "yes, sir" and fucking do it. The only difference between Adande and I in this matter is that his word overrules mine-- and Adande would agree with most of the orders I give anyway! Most of the orders are asking marines to be quiet in dire times, like asking for tactical comms or when Jennifer was actually yelling at a man who we watched execute a woman and brought 60 fucking men to our base just to intimidate us. I strongly believe that this crew doesn't respect me, and the only ones that do are the ones that I take orders from. What's the point of being a fucking Service Chief if my word is constantly fucking ignored?! Anyway, I was getting more and more frustrated because the crew didn't show up and Jennifer specifically was being really aggressive to me while I was just trying to get the crew in line for literally ten minutes when we needed the serenity and organization the most. I had no choice but to start yelling at her to fall in line because she had been crossing it, and she yelled back and called me a princess. I lost control and punched her, and the second-in-command fell to Travis right away. I could barely speak because of how frustrated I was, so I just stored myself away in mine and Adande's room. I calmed down and tried to call Primus to my room to organize a real plan, and he agreed, up until we get a radio call that Uriel has gone M.I.A., most likely tracking down Flynt. Primus heads off, and I think Travis went off, too, at some point, because he brought a complete stranger into our base, and I have no idea where that guy even fucking came from and I can't fucking believe Primus put Kelce over me and continued to let this asshole in charge when he's making speeches about the Alamo and trying to pep talk a crew of marines after a stressful situation. You don't add fucking gasoline to a group of angry and fired-up marines. You put the fire out and asses the situation. Luckily, the crew didn't fucking riot at his lead as he had planned. They kinda just ignored him. I've got to talk to Adande about Travis's actual level of control over the crew and how his rank is basically meaningless here. I feel like he should have been demoted a long time ago-- like when he came back when we were in Montana. I get to deal with Petrov while the entire fucking command is out on a rescue mission for a traitor, and then Adande comes back just as Primus, Flynt, and Uriel return with 60 men on their tail. We take off to the lighthouse nearby, and they set our base on fire.
I get the chance to talk to Flynt. I ask him if he still wants to be friends. I ask him how badly. He says yes, and he says it's more of a matter of how many bullets he could take. That's when I realize that he didn't actually mean everything he said when he left with Negan-- he was putting on a show and couldn't think straight. He panicked because he saw Negan's plan to take me and started blabbing and "Fuck the Alliance" just so happened to pop out of his retard mouth. I asked him if that was the case, and he says yes.
I've had my fair share of mistakes made in the midst of not thinking, and I've been given countless chances by Adande and the rest of the crew. Flynt's a fucking absolute idiot, but he has pure intentions, and I think that's what matters. He deserves another chance, and I'm glad not to be the only one who thinks this. Iona, Jen, I think Primus, I think Adande (because Flynt told me that Adande actually spoke to Flynt before I did, which is astounding because I was trying to get to Flynt before Adande did because I expected Adande to actually just kill him), and obviously Uriel. I just hope that I don't seem stupid to those who disagree with me and the others who stand with Flynt, because I've done enough to seem stupid already.
This is when I tell Flynt that he can't do the shit he always does when he fucks up, where he just goes "yeah, I fucked up, I don't expect you to forgive me and you should probably just kick me out or kill me." Every time he does that, he fucking embarasses himself and makes himself look like a fool. When you fuck up, you own up to it and apologize or you try to explain why you did it. I'm telling Flynt that he's gotta put some fucking effort in because a lot of the crew believes that he just wasted his last chance. I just hope he does it right. Flynt's a different man now, entirely, and I don't know if he can do it right or not. I'm rooting for him but I'm not gonna fall down with him if he fails. I know he'd understand.

January 28, 2186
Everything I do feels wrong lately. I'm going to shut up and take orders and keep to myself. Writing only makes me focus on my emotions and my thoughts and that's what's killing me right now.

January 29th, 2187
I'm going to go stir crazy because I can't get on my fucking feet because of these burns so I have no choice but to write. I think Adande and I are having relationship problems right now, but I'm not sure. I don't know how to fix it, either. I'm honestly confused on why he has hope in me. I know myself and I know that people should have hope in me, but I haven't shown any real reasons for others to think that.
I feel this war is coming to an end and I feel like I used up a lot of experiences that can really help me develop as a person. I hate, hate, hate saying this, but with the way everyone else has been talking about me, maybe I'm not meant to be a marine. Adande said I've lived through it all, though, and that is a valid reason, but I just don't feel right.
Nothing feels right at all and I don't know what to do and I don't know how to fix it. Something just isn't right and I know it's my fault. I just cause too many problems. I don't know

January 30th, 2187
Sleeping all day, burnt skin is chafing, and we moved to the Constantinople. Now there's a more comfortable bed to sleep in.

February 1, 2187
Finally signed for combat duty, and I got to lead the squad on Anne's mission. We were supposed to go to the crash site of the SSV Vanguard and rescue Anne's (and Elizabeth's) old crew before they transferred to us. The captain and nine other crew members were alive, and we were able to successfully pull them all out. It was nice to see Anne reunited with her old commander, and you could tell she still had respect for the man as a commander instead of an old friend. We collected their men and it seems as if the universe is on our side, because for the billionth time, a Destroyer class beam just barely missed our evac Kodiak. Octis got shot in the leg, Flynt got thrown through a brick wall or something, I think Adande got injured somehow but I don't remember how, and the Armin guy had a heart attack when he was shot by a sniper but his shields didn't even break. We should get that guy home soon, he really doesn't want to be here. There was also some crazy guy where we were looking for a distress node with like 30 mannequin girlfriends and we were evacuating him when he got shot by the sniper. Genos avenged the weird little man's death, and I locked his hatch, since I promised him that I'd "keep the women safe." I hope that dude's happy wherever he is now.
I want to get back to base. I miss the open air. I love the giant window above mine and Adande's bed showing the space around the ship, but I miss that cliff and the mist in the air from the ocean. Hopefully we can go back soon and kick Negan's ass finally.
I almost forgot to mention the most important thing that's happened ever aside from my engagement-- Flynt and Adande made up. Adande, while moving Banner's old stuff around, found his strongbox with his death letter in it, and read it to the crew. I believe the crew aside from Adande and I believe that he's confirmed dead now, but his dossier file hasn't changed and it doesn't make sense that he's confirmed dead when we read his letter. Flynt took this as an awakening and apologized to Adande, and he took the apology. I told Adande we would look for Banner before we took off to Rome for rebuilding support.

OOC: Surprise my friends, we are changing what happened with Negan's event again and I'll be updating what happened in THIS comment once it's re-enacted

Negan tackled Vicky and they fought for a bit and he lands three punches on her, breaking her helmet visor. He also crushes her shotgun as she tries to go for it at one point. She begins to pretend to lose, and Negan removes her helmet forcefully and pulls her by the hair to the ground. As Vicky feels Negan about to move, she rolls from his grasp, activates her blade, and presses it up against his throat. She ends up slicing up his chest and his neck, off-center. His body falls and she kicks it over and presses her foot to his chest, enjoying seeing the powerful, manipulative man injured by her hand and under her foot. The base begins to collapse and she says her final words before grabbing her broken shotgun and running out of the base with her crew.

Vicky's injuries from the fight are listed on her dossier in the physical appearance section.

I re-read both of my journals now that the Reaper war is over, and I think I'm going to stop doing entries and archive these things online. There are so many things I can say, now that the war is over, but I'm going to just go ahead and relax instead. I earned it.

OOC: The dates in both of these diaries are two months off of accuracy. Pretend they're right.

Most of these entries are now publicly available on the extranet for documentation of the Reaper war from the perspective of a marine from one of the few crews that helped immensely.
OOC: the entries that aren't online have a lil *