Kelce's Notebook

This notebook is a small notebook that fits in your pocket. The only time it is not on Jason is when he's sleeping.
This notebook belongs to Jason Joe Bocephus Kelce

September 12th, 2186
Guess I'll give this whole writin' thing a whirl. Today was a good day. We destroyed 3 reaper AA. After this, we discovered the showers worked and fun was had by all. I cannot go into detale on what events occured in the showers, the memories will be locked inside my brain forever and ever. All I can say is I had fun. I like this whole writin' thing, I like thinking out loud. Vicky and me seem to be like two peaches in a can again. Cana and me got to know each other a whole lot more. Not in a adult way, that'd be nasty. I learn she can hang from stuff like one of them monkeys.

September 13th, 2186
Didn't do much during the day. Things got interestin' when the sun went down, I screwed up...again. I tried my best to rectify the situation but I don't believe I did so what so ever. I think they're just pullin' my leg, somethin' just don't seem right.

September 14th, 2186
I talked to Uriel today, nice fella, maybe a little too green for my taste. I asked him if he could help with my mental health, if he could read my "psyche." I wanted to know why I had broken down the way I did when Cal died. I was mean to Cal. I was racist to Cal. We I made up with Cal, she was never mean or racist to me. We became friends in the last few hours of her life. I love my friends but I do not know why I reacted the way I did. I destroyed two sinks, two sinks! I was cryin' like a baby for crying out loud! I did things that no man with woman should do. She just brought me so much comfort when I needed it most. Back to what I was saying, I was talking with Uriel and he came up with two potential diagnosis. PTSD or Dementia. He said that I'm potentially a threat to myself and more importantly, others. He said it'd probably be best if I was sent off world for treatment. I could never leave Earth, I could never leave my friends and family. I could never leave Cana. I must try like I've ever tried before to stay with the 2nd MSRC. This isn't making the baseball team, this is a completely different ballgame. Hehe, I like that. After I got the news from Uriel, I did the thing I need to do oh so more often, talk to Cana. I took her into the locker room, away from everyone else. I took a couple of breaths and laid it on her. I apologized to her for the way I've been actin' and told her what Uriel had said. PTSD or Dementia. She didn't say anything for a while, she was probably trying to tip toe out of a minefield when she said "At this point, we probably all do." I told her that I was a danger to everyone and myself. She whimpered that she couldn't bare to see me gone. I told her the same and I pulled her in closer. I said I'd try to get her to come with me but she's much more valuable to the squad than a stupid, mentally ill machine gunner is. We finally got up and talked with the other marines in the barracks. This is where I found out that Quarians live longer than humans. I was relieved. I would not be able to bare having to bury Cana. It would be difficult for Cana to do the same to me but she so much more stronger mentally than I am. Probably won't make it to the end of the year and I'm thinkin' a hundred and thirty years down the line. I've also been thinkin' of kids. Can you believe it? I like my women to not think of kids before we've been married a while and here I am wanting to get down on one knee and proposing to Cana. I guess it's just this God forsaken war, it brings out the worst and the best in us. Some stuff also went down between Beckham, Martinez, and Vicky. I would elaborate but this is my notebook, I'm numero uno in these parts.

September 15th, 2186
We went to Palaven today and I got injured...again. Maybe the Good Lord up above is trying to tell me something. Ah well, forget it, my time ain't come yet. I got slammed by a brute and my right ankle was broken and my left leg was dislocated completely. Cardozo tried to drag me off the battlefield by grabbing my ankles....After getting back up, I got shot in the back. It was probably friendly fire. I kept on truckin' and eventually Uriel shot me up with some adrenialine. I felt great! I charged into battle and promptly got shot two times. Once in the shoulder, once in the gut. I didn't even stop until I jumped down from a ledge and snapped my ankle even more. I got carried to a turian checkpoint, where my gut wound was cauterized. I passed out. I woke up aboard the Constantinople. Doc offered me painkillers and I refused because I wanted to drink. The Doc biotic slammed my beer into the wall. I punched him with such force that I had never used before. I darn near knocked his nose off his face. Then he picked me up and slammed me into the ground, feet first....I apoligized to the Doc and he apoligized to me. I wasn't thinkin' straight and I ain't been doing so for a while now. I got to talkin' to Sam later on. We got along much better than we did before. We were jokin' around and tellin' stories and such. I told him a story about Vicky and he seemed pretty upset about it. Not kill me upset like before but a "I need to be alone" kind of upset. God, I need a beer.

September 16th, 2186
I don't remember much, I kinda passed out on the couch. I remember saying "Hey Sam" and he hauled off and punch me. I tried to fight back but he picked me up with his biotics and threw me at the console in the hangar. Flynt saved my skin. I also took on Primus in the sparring ring. I didn't win but he didn't make it out unscratched. He also tried to give me some purple drink, I took a whiff of it and passed out.

September 17th, 2186
I got shot...again. I did sign up to be a marine without OCS. That means I'm a bullet stopper. I didn't expect to take this much fire. I saw Cal. I saw her. I saw'em all. I was talkin' with Saint Peter and he was talkin' about all the progress I've made with my hatred of aliens and such. All of the sudden, I was sucked away from the Pearly Gates. I pulled through getting shot twice center mass. That new civie doc and Uriel patched me up but it was Vicky that took care of me. She might've distracted me while I was sedated but I don't blame her. I'm a danger to everyone including myself. Darn near dyin' has got me a-thinkin', thinkin' about what I've done and who I'm datin'. I got Cana and I love her very much. I think Daddy Kelce would be happier with me havin' a human gal than a Quarian gal. He wants his grandkids to look like him but Quarians look just about the same minus the legs and fingers. I think I knocked something loose when I lunged at Thatcher. I need to rest.

September 18th, 2186
I finally put Martinez in his place. He called me a "Hick" and I busted a beer bottle over his head. If you're readin' this and you ain't me, you know darn well he deserved it. He's called Petrov a "Ruskie" and Thatcher a "Fenian." Don't talk shit unless you wanna get hit. I saw Cal and I just had to get out of the med bay. Vicky talked me off the metaphorical ledge and I don't see Cal no more. I am finally at peace. I don't have to keep my eyes closed no more. I tried to act like I was fine but the Commander saw through my clever disguise. I got left behind while everyone else went to Italy. No pizza or spaghetti for me, I guess. At least I got to spend some time with Cana. It's nice just to talk but I'd rather be killin' reapers. Killin' reapers saves millions, talkin' to Cana just saves me.

September 19th, 2186
Didn't do much today but sit around. I did find the beer that Vicky hid from me. I think I'll have to use the old fashioned strategy of drinking the beer and refilling the bottle with water to cover my tracks.

September 21st, 2186
I didn't do much today or yesterday. Just sat around and drank. I can finally walk again but I'm still in pain with every step I take, every breath I take. It'd help if my good friends, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam were around. All I got is Bud Light 76 and I'm alright with that. The 2nd MSRC came back minus one, Beckham. I'm gonna miss that son of a gun. I bet he's ridin' buckin' broncos and drinkin' Dr Pepper up in Heaven now. We also got this new gal, Michner or somethin' like that. It may've been because I was drunk but she reminded me an awful lot about Cana. A human Cana, if you will.

September 22nd, 2186
Somehow a Marauder got into the base and we shot each other. I shot him dead and he darn near shot me dead. I think Martinez was fingering his butthole and that Marauder got in. Vicky's mad at me...again. She's mad at me for gettin' shot. I guess I interupted that gal's sex drive or somethin'. I'm glad I shackled up with an alien gal because I'd probably blow my brains out if I had to deal with a gal like Vicky.

September 23rd, 2186
I had a terrible nightmare last night, one that I fear fallin' asleep again because I don't want to experience it again. I woke up in Itsuko's bed with Itsuko sleeping on the ground next to me. Obviously at this point, I was confused. Itsuko's nice and all but she ain't the nicest lookin' out there. She told that I tried to kill myself last night, I promptly shot back a "Kiss my ass, that ain't me." We fought yet another banshee and this one almost got me. She biotic blasted Ester in to me and I landed on the fence, back first. I formed a nice U on the fence. Itsuko dragged me back to the medbay, she told me to get some rest but I ignored her. I started seeing what I saw in my dreams in the medbay, so I went out for some air. I saw Mama, Vicky, and Cana. All that happened, all that I don't want to repeat. I was in constant pain but I sucked it up to go to the Phillipines as if I had promised to one day return. We wasn't fightin' reapers, we was fightin' Cerberus. I actually liked Cerberus because they put Humanity first and they brought back Shepard. This was until I saw what they were doin'. They were using the refugees on the island for their sick and twisted experiments. We found a scientist and he joined us. We also found two Cerberus higher-ups and I killed'em both. The first one tried to shoot Thatcher, so I shot him. The second one pounced on Adande, so I grabbed the guy by the collar and stabbed him through the back with my omniblade. Adande joined in the stabbing by thrusting his omniblade into the man's chest. The man's clothes and skin burned away to reveal that he was a husk. We continued on our way to a cave where the refugees might've been at. We entered to find that this was no ordinary cave. Everyone started hearing voices except for me. Vicky darn near killed herself. Thatcher knocked her out. Almost everyone left the cave. Only Adande, Thatcher, and I remained in the cave and we pushed inward. I was remined of a mission when Lambert was still with us. We encountered a beast that was no brute, it was very different. It was messing with our minds. As we went further and further into the caves, I started seeing and hearing things. I saw Cana. I saw Cana distorted and warped into a horrible, horrible being. What I saw made my nightmare look like child's play. I started hearing "The Turian" and "Your fault." I knew right away it was talkin' about Cal. I pushed off what I saw and heard but not before it scarred me. I don't know how I brought myself to write about it, I'm trying to forget. Trying to move on. I just can't seem to get away from it. I'm writing this all so when they find it after I pass, they'll figure out what was wrong with me. Anyways, we push further into the cave and corner the bastard. Thatcher, Adande, and I wasted the thing. We start leaving but we turn back to find the beast gone. We track it down and kill it for good. This is when we found out that reaper ships were moving in on our location and we high tailed it out of there. After we get back to base, I decide to take a shower. I saw singin' my heart out, beautifully I might add, when Ester and Primus barged in with their weapons fixed on me. Fuckin' Queers. After showering, I head up top and relax at the tower while Adande, Vicky, and Primus headed out on deep recon. What they encountered just near killed me when I heard what it was. It was a Quarian reaper. I saw Cana turn into a reaper in that cave and as soon as we get back to Earth, there's one waitin' for us. It wasn't Cana but still. I tried talkin' to Itsuko about it but Ester and Primus showed up again. Fuckin' Queers. I stormed off and Itsuko followed. I blew her off. I just wanted to be alone. After everyone else was asleep, I put on my helmet and grabbed my machine gun. I walked over to Cana, gave her a kiss on what I think was the cheek, turned around and stood guard. I can't let them get Cana. I won't let them get Cana. I won't sleep. I can't sleep. I close my eyes and I see what I saw in the cave. CAN'T SLEEP. They'll get Cana. They'll get me. The voices will get me. I hear them comin', I'll shoot them if they get near me or Cana.

September 24th, 2186
I still can't sleep. I see things, I hear things. I have to keep Cana safe. If they get her, they get me. I have to keep her safe. I encounted a new reaper today, I didn't know what it was at first (I find out it's a Quarian later.) I flank it and a banshee pops up behind me. I shoot both of them. The Banshee teleports away and the Quarian knocks me out as I turn to face her again. She started draggin' me away and shot me before Thatcher shot her. Petrov drags me away and Uriel patches me up. I secure myself and went back out. I have to keep Cana safe. I have to. If she's gone, I'm gone.

September 25th, 2186
I thought I could save her. I thought I could get her through the war. How could I be so wrong? Why would the Good Lord do this to me? What did I do to deserve losing Cana? It started out as a normal day. I hadn't slept in days and I was out patrolling around. Enemies started showin' up and I was shootin' them while everyone else was trying to drag me to the medbay. I guess they don't want a good soldier on the line. I killed a bunch of cannibals and I was gonna kill more before Vicky pinned me and dragged me down to the medbay. She force fed me biotic painkillers and tied me up with a rope. I chewed through the rope and went back up top. I had to protect Cana, I just had to. I went up top and saved Vicky from a Banshee. I seriously wounded some krogan reaper thing. I get dragged down again and I heard cryin' and wailin'. I traced the sound to the canal entrance, it was a Quarian. It spoke to me like Cana. I snapped and yelled "Get the fuck out of my head, Cana." Little did I know that those would be the last words that Cana heard from me. I tried to kill the Quarian reaper but it made its way to the barracks and killed Cana. It was all my fault. I let my guard down and she paid the price. She died for my sin. I lied about protecting her and God punished me. I tried to shake her awake. She choked on her own blood because I threw the scientist out of the room. I sat down next to her and pulled her body up to mine and talked to her. It made me feel better. I asked the Commander to take her to the Flotila and the Commander agreed to my request. We're departing for some secret op but I get to visit Cana's family and mourn with them. We loaded her on to the Kodiak. I folded her arms across her chest and sat down next to her. I was talkin' with her, apoligizing to her. I hesitated to do it at first but I gave her one final kiss on her cold lips. I left her in the Kodiak to return to the barracks. I was sitting on her bed when I felt somethin' funny below me. It was a datapad. The datapad contained a thank you letter for me and her family. She said she loved us all very much. I'm keeping a handwritten copy of my own as close to my heart as possible and I'm turning over the datapad to her family. They're more tech oriented. I was sitting on her bed again when I snapped. I devised a plan to kill as many reapers as possible and that's what Petrov and I did. We lured a bunch of cannibals away and we mowed them down. 76 in total. I got shot but I just kept shootin' back. It made me feel better. I was sittin' in Cana's bed yet again and I realized that I forgot to do something. I approached Cana's body in the Kodiak and I said "I love you, Cana." I closed up the Kodiak and returned to the barracks. I was talkin' with Vicky, Ester, and Jennifer when I heard a familiar noise. It was a squeal. It was one of Cana's squeals. I leave the barracks to see Cana around the corner. I persue Cana and she blamed me for her death. I tried apoligizing and she transformed into the beast that killed her. I tried to choke the beast but it ran off. I chased for a good 10 minutes or so before Thatcher grabbed me. That's when a reaper landed right on top of us. We get inside and load into the Kodiak. I was stuck with Cana's body for the entire ride. We land in New York near Lake Erie. We all unload, Cana included and checked out the area. I took Cana to see the view. It was beautiful, it reminded me of Cana. I sat Cana down in the Kodiak when I remembered a promise I made to her. I was gonna take Cana fishin'. I took her fishin' and we caught a big ole catfish. I'm finally going to sleep. I don't have to protect Cana anymore. I want them to get me now. I miss her so much. I just want to be with Cana again.

October 3rd, 2186
Sorry I ain't been writin' much, I've been busy with stuff. Adande and I took Cana's body back to the flotila and laid her to rest. Her family didn't even look me in the eyes. I think they can smell fear, Lord knows I'm weak when it comes to Cana. I don't feel much anymore, exactly what Cana wouldn't want but she ain't exactly in a position to dictate my life anymore. I called the base to find that "it" was hittin' the fan. I asked Adande to go back to sort things out and he allowed me to do so. I should've stayed with him. We went to Tennessee to save some scientists but we didn't get any of them out and we lost Maverick. Maverick was the guy that told me what was happening and it's a darn shame I didn't get to know him. Talked a bunch to various folks like Vicky and such. After finding out what happened to Adande, I decided to launch my own rescue mission. I was doin' just fine until the VI shut off the engines. I sustained a head injury, it hurts to talk. Vicky, Thatcher, and I went on a recon mission and we found a civilian. I took him back and Edwards kept pestering me. Edwards almost got us killed. At least I killed two mauraders with my omniblade. I also saved Thatcher's skin and stabbed the Maruader on him. It's alright, he's saved me plenty times before. I also shot Mitchner, she stepped on my throat, I punched her in the cooter, we argued about tea. Did I ever tell you that Mitchner is a carpet muncher?

October 5th, 2186
Huh? This seems to belong to me but that don't make much sense, diaries are for pussies. I'm readin' through this and this don't make much sense at all what so ever. Petrov said I dated a Quarian gal named Cana and lo and behold, I talk about her a lot in here. This has got to be a forgery. Jason Joe Bocephus Kelce would never date an alien. I hate aliens. Vicky must be that rude gal that said we were best friends. I don't know anymore, I just don't know. DEAR GOD, AM I NOT IN CONTROL OF MY OWN LIFE? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? JUST LET IT END. Just let it end, I welcome Death with open arms. In Heaven, I'll be my own man, I'll be able to control my own thoughts. I'll be Jason Joe Bocephus Kelce. I'll be with....Cana again. I'll be at peace. For now, I gotta act tough, like I've always done. You know, I'd say my biggest regret in life is not havin' kids, before this war... I didn't even want kids. I guess war changes everyone.

Finally

dead